I've spoken to my wife and co-classmate from TDI school, both have said i should stick it out and see what happens. In one respect, there is that "what if" that would be created if i choose to up and quit. As my wife pointed out, i am too damn stubborn to just quit. Even if i should, I would more than likely plod on because i just don't like quitting. If i fail out, thats a different story altogether. I tried, i failed, move on and try again at a later time. I have had this happen to me in the past, it will happen again i am sure.
I have a couple of recourses i can use to address the ridicule. I can have a conversation and confront the trainer about it. Like George McFly, i don't deal well with confrontations. However, they are honest and direct ways of communication, which i am being taught here that communication is key. So, there is that. The other venue i have is to call my fleet manager and let him know about whats been said and how it affects me. I don't asked to be babied, i just ask to be fairly treated. If you are going to tell me its a orofessional job, great. However i will expext to be treated professionally as well. Coach me, train me and be serious is fine. Do not make me feel less of a person because of my mistakes. I do not respond well at all to it. I will start to rebel and shut diwn because of it. These are facts that i know about myself. I dealt with it from my Dad growing up, i am done with that shit. If this is how the industry treats me, then this will not be the industry that will get me. I know i have value, i made it this far. There must be something i am doing right or i would not have made it past the first week.
If I am truly a danger on the road behind the wheel of a tractor truck, then please let me know now,so i am not wasting your time or mine. I could be home, waiting for my wife and looking for a job in the tech feild that pays 15 to 20 an hour. Hell, the time spent looking for shit jobs while pursuing a CDL will be lesson learned at that point.
I am my father's son but I am not my father. This may just end up being the proof that he and i live in two very different worlds. I understand mechanics and truck driving but my love was never for them. My yearning for travelling led me to trucking. Perhaps I miguided myself. I look around at the people who drive a truck and for a lot of them i wonder how they actually managed it. I have been told I have potential for driving a truck, so there has got to be something there that they see or they are just blowing smoke up my ass.
Either way, we will see what happens. I go back to test between 8 and 13 days at a terminal. Maybe i will look good enough at 8 days to go and test out. Good or just frustrated enough to get me off the truck. Either way, test me out and let me know whether or not i am good enough for this company. If not, please just get me home so i can get on with my life.
In all the training i have done for companies, this one has me the most frazzled and off balance yet. At least in computers i know i can sit back and rely on my expertise in the field. If i screw up while driving, someone dies ir gets seriously hurt, i may go to jail or get a hefty fine to pay. I know that there is stress in this job, intimately aware.
My head is cooled off now from writing. I am glad i started this blog for writing, for writing does help me work through things. I won't say that things are better, there are still issues, but maybe i can get through the next few days without having a violent episode. Home is sounding better and better though as is the temp jobs i was offered. If this does not go thru, i will be thankful for the experience, the good and the bad. I will look into getting a job in daytona somewhere that has good pay and benefits. Or find a local driving job if i can. I don't know, but by simply going through this training, i have some experience in the field and that is good enough, sometimes, for me to weasel a job or two out of thin air. Like i said, driving a limo or something would be cool. Even a courier vehicle would be interesting if i can get a good job that pays well. We will see what goes on and go from there.
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