Internally i am dealing with lonliness, lack of presence of people i care about and a self doubt of whether this is something i am actually cut out to do.
When i drive, i am focused on my task but when i am shut down for the day i just have this hopelessness that falls over me. I have come close to breaking down in this self doubt to where i have almost requested to just be sent home. If it weren't for the fact that i would feel like a failure for investing all this time into doing this, i may have succumbed to the decision.
This is very hard for me, the mental aspect of dealing with not being home and not having the choice to go and sleep in my own bed at night next to the person i love. maybe it will be better once i have my own truck and a semblance of space that is mine that's larger than a bunk. I dunno, but i do know that i am plodding forward into the next challenge. I am not happy, but i am not totally discouraged yet. I know if i get experience i can at least look at a local route driving something in a day cab. For now, plod on.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.2
No comments:
Post a Comment