Why did I give up and leave?
Well, mental stress was one reason but not the key reason to my decision. There were several factors that got to me. The style of teaching, the loneliness and inability to talk to my wife face to face about daily problems, conflicts between teacher and student, contradictions in policy and procedure while on the road. As such, I did like the company and its the values that they bring to the table when working in this industry. However there is a breakdown in these concepts when it comes to being on the road with a timeline. Time management is a big thing and I do understand that without it, none of the shipping industry would be able to work. Like I said, I did enjoy the job itself, I found that at the end of the day, I didn't like what I was being turned into.
The instructor I was assigned to was, for all intents and purposes, a really nice guy. However his teaching style was more of a stern and yelling aspect. If I did something wrong, I would get scolded and told to do better. This would increase in veracity as time would go on. A strong teaching style is fine and dandy, I can actually work with that, what I cannot stand is when people start making it personal and try to inspire by breaking you down emotionally and personally. He started to attack my professionalism in driving, pointing out that other truckers were looking at me when I fucked up something and then would ridicule the actions taken. Then there was the underlying anger. I had this identified the first day I saw it, this was something my Dad would do to me when I fucked up. He would get angry and express it in movement and action. So if I didn't do something right, such as backing up, he would wave his arms with a firm gesture and show anger on his face as if to say "What the fuck are you doing?!", I left that shit behind when I moved out of the house but I also knew I could deal with it for the time being, or so I thought.
Days went on and the behavior got worse and worse for every small mistake I would do. That's what really started to throw my confidence out the window. I would make a small mistake and I would get jumped on like I fucked up majorly, which would get me flustered enough to make 4 more mistakes down the line because I was now shaken. Now, forgive me if I am wrong, but I am attempting to drive a 80,000 pound vehicle thru a 35 MPH zone in an active town. Why the fuck would would harp on me about missing a gear or taking too much time to get to a light and get me flustered and make more mistakes while still in the goddamned town?? In the end, I felt like there was really nothing I could do right. Even my successes in backing up were "congratulated" with stern remarks that weren't even close to an actual compliment. When I did my close quarters backing that I needed to "pass" what was left in the workbook that I am assigned, I did the backup within all the limits set. I got out to look at it and give myself a cheer when the instructor walked up to me with a stern look and spat, "You passed." and walked past me. The only emotion that was on his face was impatience and irritation.
I was always too slow, screwing up his MPG stats, not setting up turns right, not getting control of the vehicle in enough time, starting to slow down way too early, not paying attention, not shifting properly, etc etc etc. Then at the end of the day when we ended up at a truck stop of the night. He would then say I didn't do great, but I did really well for someone who has only been driving for 3 days, 4 days, etc. Which, maybe I'm being over sensitive about this, would have been nice to hear WHILE I was trying to figure out how to do this shit at the time. What really would get me is that I would be quiet and concentrate on driving, then he would start talking because it was too quiet. I would get pulled into the conversation simply because I was taught that it was polite to respond when someone is talking to you. Then something would happen and he would get on my case for not paying attention, then kick back into being Mr. Nice Guy and continue talking. After awhile, I would not reply and if he persisted I would say back to him that I was kinda busy at the moment, hold on. Maybe that was me being rude, but I would be damned to get yelled at AGAIN for his set up. I was ready to start ripping him a new one if he yelled at me about telling him to hold on. Never did, but I was waiting for it.
Bottom line of this whole thing is that I feel that the trainers are simply dragging students into their trucks for the money bonuses that they get. The do as I say, not as I do mentality that is prominent in the trainers is a load of bullshit. I would love to have them go through their own training course and survive. I bet quite a few of them would get wake up calls. I am not condemning all trainers, I am quite sure that there are good ones out there. I just know what I went through and this is my point of view at this time.
I got a call from my hotel mate a couple days ago. His trainer was, from what I hear, bat shit crazy. I won't go into all that happened, not my story to tell. However, he got back to the main terminal and was fired outright for being an unsafe driver. Which is interesting as he told me that his school was trying to get him to actually go the speed limit while training him. I hear that his school is ripshit about the way he was treated and may be opening an inquiry as they just had 20 students go to that company based on my hotel mate's decision to go himself. So we will see what happens, if anything.
Now I am home, I will be pursuing some local jobs, which will be nice. I also was informed of a garbage truck opening for a local company. Its driving the trucks, just a local version. I may look into that as well.
As with any story, this is hardly the end. My CDL still has a lot of life to it. So, we will see what happens. As for this chapter, yeah, it is closed for now. I will see where my path goes from here and let you all follow me as usual. Until then, happy trails to all!
